


Flambé

by Tasceri



Series: Chambréverse [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Beta!Riku, M/M, Omegaverse, Smutty, The Love Is Requited They're Just Idiots, This is the most self indulgent thing I've ever written please bear with me, background sokai, mixed dynamic!Vanitas, some references to homophobia and underage sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:54:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28957509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tasceri/pseuds/Tasceri
Summary: Vanitas is messy, complicated, perfectly irritating andincrediblyhorny, and Riku is helplessly in love.
Relationships: Riku/Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Chambréverse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2123940
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

It starts the way it always does: with a text.

Riku only has one contact set to this particular notification tone, in theory so he knows to ignore it. Not that it makes any difference; Riku already knows exactly what it's going to say. What he should do is just block the number and every time he tells himself he'll do it and every time he almost kids himself into thinking the reason he doesn't is because Sora would be upset if Riku suddenly ghosted his cousin.

It's six PM, the sun is sinking below a haze of cloud, Riku is staring unseeingly into his protein shake and his phone is laying across the counter, notification light blinking steadily. It usually takes ten or fifteen minutes for the second text to come through. Riku gets dressed: navy uniform, cheap material, a little on the tight side. Sturdy boots that cost him a fortune but will probably outlive him. As he's lacing them up his phone pings again.

He rolls his eyes - not that anyone is watching - and picks up his phone, skimming over the familiar messages, more appearing as his fingers hover over his keypad. 

**[17:57]** VANITAS: hey cum over im horny af  
**[18:09]** VANITAS: hey riku wanna fuck  
**[18:10]** VANITAS: i cn see ur online 👀   
**[18:10]** VANITAS: cum get ur ass rekt  
**[18:10]** VANITAS: rikuuuu

Riku downs the rest of his protein shake, sighs, and types out his predictable response. 

**[18:11]** RIKU: I have to be at work in an hour. 

He can hear his neighbours settling down for dinner, the routine laughter and clink of crockery. 

**[18:11]** VANITAS: no1 is gonna steal shit if ur an hr late   
**[18:11]** VANITAS: call in sick ur fuckbuddy needs u

Keys, headphones, water bottle, lunch. The worst part is Riku knows Vanitas knows he's considering it. Being a security guard has its perks - the unsociable hours, for a start - but even Riku can only spend so many hours wandering around a shopping centre before he starts to go just a little bit insane. A black belt in mixed martial arts and the worst he's had to deal with is drunk teens trying to get into the water features. 

**[18:13]** VANITAS: cummmmmmm over riku  
**[18:16]** VANITAS: cmon riku plsease im so fucking hard rn  
**[18:16]** VANITAS: &wet

And it's not that he doesn't enjoy sex with Vanitas, either, which is probably part of the problem. Maybe most of the problem. He throws his phone into his bag without replying and heads out into the drizzle. Sometimes he humours Vanitas, sometimes he doesn't. Their relationship has always been that way, even back when they were teens, neither of them knowing what the hell they were and not really caring either, more concerned with finding places they could get off without getting caught.

Mostly successfully.

Riku arrives at work in good time - he always does - and heads to the office to lock up his bag, giving a cursory nod to the guard stationed in front of the security cameras. There are twelve unread messages from Vanitas on his phone, all of which are in a similar vein. 

**[18:55]** RIKU: Stop being so needy. I know your toy collection is more than adequate to get you through the night  
**[18:56]** VANITAS: ur the worst omega  
**[18:56]** RIKU: Not an omega.

Riku switches his phone to silent and shoves it into his locker. Seeing his expression, the guard on cameras offers him a dorito and says, "Girl troubles? That looks like a girl troubles kind of face."

"Sure," Riku agrees blandly, taking a chip. He figures if the long silver hair and well moisturised skin aren't enough to tip someone off that he's gay, they're definitely not worth coming out to.

"Good call leaving your phone. Give her time to simmer down." 

"You got it." Riku heads out into the crowd of evening shoppers. Vanitas is not, however, the kind of person who simmers down. Riku knows that when he checks his phone on his break he'll find a string of increasingly incomprehensible texts and maybe a couple of missed calls - and if he's really lucky, a voicemail or two that he knows better than to listen to without headphones. He knows that when he gets out at three thirty to streets occupied by only the hardiest of midweek revellers Vanitas will call him nonstop until he either switches his phone to airplane mode or agrees to cycle over to Vanitas' cramped apartment with walls which are much too thin for the kinds of sounds he makes when he's at nature's mercy. 

Tonight he chooses the former, taking the scenic route home via the canal, the air fresh from the night's rain and the brightest stars just visible through the haze of city lights. He likes nights, the quiet residential roads, rustle of the wind in the trees, the clatter of distant trains. He strips, showers, throws on an oversized shirt and sweatpants, and clambers into bed, the glare of his phone screen bright in the darkness. 

**[03:35]** VANITAS: riku come over i know ur just gonna go home n jack off anyway  
**[03:38]** VANITAS: please riku just for like an hour before bed i need u   
**[03:41]** VANITAS: riku  
**[03:45]** VANITAS: riku please im begging

  
**[04:32]** VANITAS: You know what fuck you.  
**[04:33]** VANITAS: You do this to me every fucking time!  
**[04:34]** VANITAS: Go fuck yourself.  
**[04:34]** VANITAS: You know it's so much worse when I'm on my own.  
**[04:35]** VANITAS: sleep well Asshole thanks for the help tonight   
**[04:35]** VANITAS: oh wait

Riku rolls over onto his side, sighs. His thumb hovers over the block button, but in the end he changes his mind. Sora would be upset if Riku stopped talking to Vanitas. Worse, he'd be curious, and Riku doesn't know if he can look Sora in his big blue puppy eyes and tell him why he's even friends with Vanitas again in the first place.

 **[04:40]** RIKU: You know you could always find someone else to have sex with, right?

Vanitas doesn't reply to that. He never does. Maybe that's also part of the problem. Riku tosses his phone over to the other side of the room. He stares at the stripes of moonlight on his ceiling and imagines Vanitas' arms gripping his sides and the feel of his cock swelling inside him and closes his eyes, guiltily sliding his hand under the waistband of his sweatpants.

* * *

It starts the way it always does: with a text.

 **[20:21]** VANITAS: hey riku u free imm losin my fckn mind

Kairi glances questioningly at Riku as he pulls out his phone, but he waves her off, mouthing "nothing important". She turns back to the movie, reaching over Sora's dozing body to grab one last handful of popcorn.

 **[20:23]** VANITAS: riku cum over  
**[20:23]** VANITAS: 💦💦💦  
**[20:23]** VANITAS: dont pretent u rnt considering it 

It's been a while since Riku's been to a movie night with Sora and Kairi, what with the baby and Riku picking more shifts up at work to cover the guy who got fired for shoplifting. Then again, it's also been a while since he's seen Vanitas, and Sora looks like he's close to conking out for the night anyway. He taps out a reply, hesitates, sends it.

 **[20:27]** RIKU: I'll be over for 10:30?  
**[20:28]** VANITAS: y not NOW:30  
**[20:29]** VANITAS: bring.…croissants pls i rly want croissants   
**[20:29]** VANITAS: those 1s in the stupid lil bags

"C'mon, Riku, get off your phone. This is the good part." Kairi is looking at him pointedly, that familiar expression halfway between amusement and exasperation.

"Tell that to Sora," Riku hisses back. "He's completely asleep."

"Sora was up at four with the kid this morning, what's your excuse?"

Riku shoves Kairi affectionately and waits for her to lose interest before pulling out his phone again.

 **[20:43]** RIKU: Where am I supposed to find croissants at this time of night?  
**[20:44]** VANITAS: thats ur problem.  
**[20:44]** VANITAS: my problem is this slippry af dildo 😩

Riku nearly opens his mouth and asks if Kairi happens to have any individually wrapped croissants in the kitchen, but then his brain catches up with him, reminding him that the follow up question of "can I have all of them to take home?" will be a lot harder to justify. 

"Does the garage on the corner of Traverse Street sell croissants?"

"What?" Kairi glances at Riku's phone, which has just pinged with another message. "Who are you talking to, anyway?"

 **[20:42]** VANITAS: CHOCOLATE croissants!!!

Riku, who has never been a good liar, says in what he hopes is a casual tone: "Just Vanitas. He mentioned them and now I'm feeling nostalgic." 

"Oh, how is he?"

 **[20:43]** VANITAS: i want a choc croissant so fkn bad wtf i h8 nesting instinctts

Kairi and Sora don't know about Riku and Vanitas' agreement, and Riku is keen to keep it that way. After they found out the first time it was years before Vanitas even spoke to Riku again, and he doesn't want them to think he's become the kind of bachelor desperate enough to take advantage of the fact that Vanitas is… 

**[20:44]** VANITAS: b a good alpha n get me choc croissants riku

"Yeah, he's fine." 

**[20:45]** RIKU: Not an alpha.

What Vanitas is is messy. Figuratively and literally. Riku tosses his phone onto the cushions and turns his attention back to the movie, his thoughts already drifting to the way Vanitas will hungrily pull off his clothes - he's actually managed to rip Riku's shirt on more than one occasion - and the groans that shudder through his body as Riku drops him onto the bed, Vanitas grappling for control and Riku putting up a bit of a fight before letting his head hit the pillows. Vanitas sweat-slicked and… _slick_ -slicked, breathing in quick shallow pants, his hands roaming over Riku's skin and between Riku's thighs and--

_Calm it, Riku, you've still got the rest of the movie to get through._

Which he manages admirably, the stiffness of his crotch barely even noticeable, and he chats to Kairi casually in the kitchen afterwards while she feeds the baby, and then when she starts yawning in earnest he teases her about how she used to be such a night owl, and she shoves him affectionately out the door. 

**[21:55]** VANITAS: ok im between rounds u prob got like 45 b4 i start whining agn

It's drizzling again, the pavement glossy and the trees dropping a shower of water every time the wind shivers through them. Riku walks the four minutes to the garage. Bell tinkling. The tinny sound of pop from a radio on the counter. Violent yellow sale stickers. There are the croissants on the bottom shelf of the snack aisle. Riku hasn't eaten one in years. He remembers them tasting vaguely of cardboard.

 **[22:03]** RIKU: Still want croissants?  
**[22:03]** VANITAS: wat  
**[22:03]** VANITAS: oh  
**[22:04]** VANITAS: sure

Riku grabs however many he can fit in the crook of his elbow and spills them onto the counter, paying the extra charge for a plastic bag (even though he's got dozens of them at home). Then it's back into the rain, back to his flat, into the shower to get ready. He made the mistake of thinking he could clean himself out at Vanitas' place once and once only: while Vanitas has seen every inch of him there are some things he still prefers to do in private, and it turns out when he's _really_ feeling it Vanitas is actually capable of breaking through a locked bathroom door. 

**[22:19]** VANITAS: im gunna  
**[22:20]** VANITAS: stuff u like a croissant  
**[22:22]** VANITAS: like a prefitiroll   
**[22:22]** VANITAS: profitirolle  
**[22:22]** VANITAS: profiterole ???  
**[22:23]** RIKU: There you go.

Riku takes the bike to Vanitas' flat: the rain is coming down more heavily now, but he doubts having wet clothes are going to be much of an issue for long. As he's turning a corner the sky flashes - he counts one, two, three before the roll of thunder fills his ears. Past the low-slung industrial buildings, floodlights looming through the mist, and onto Vanitas' estate. He hits the buzzer and soon enough the door to the stairwell is clicking open, Riku scaling the two flights to Vanitas' flat easily. As he raises his hand to knock the door swings open, Vanitas on the other side draped in a t-shirt - one of _Riku's_ t-shirts, he can't help but notice - which is doing very little to hide the state of his arousal, looking sweaty and ruffled and honestly just a bit exhausted. 

"Hello, you." 

"Ugh." Vanitas yanks Riku inside and shuts the door. Riku doesn't have to be an alpha or omega to recognise the musky scent lingering in the air. "You're soaked." 

"Figured I'd be losing my clothes pretty quick. I'm surprised you've still got any of yours on." 

Vanitas glances over his shoulder so Riku can see him roll his eyes, then pulls the shirt off in one smooth motion, revealing the muscular curve of his back. For a guy who's five foot two including hair (and whose hair is doing a lot of work in the height department), Vanitas is surprisingly well built; but there's also a softness to his figure and his face, his delicate fingers and pretty hazel eyes that are almost pale enough to be gold.

He is absolutely, devastatingly, Riku's type, and that's a whole problem in itself.

"Better?"

 _Oh yes_ , thinks Riku as he kicks off his boots, following Vanitas through the usual debris of unopened junk mail and dirty laundry to the bedroom, catching the shorter man on the way to the bed and pushing him face first into the nest of pillows and blankets, Vanitas letting out a whine that's half irritated half appreciative. One hand finds the back of Vanitas' head while the other trails over the arc of his shoulderblade, then down the divet of his spine, Vanitas protesting at the cold and arching his back into Riku's touch anyway. Cold fingers, hot tongue, Vanitas shivering beneath him, twisting to first glare at Riku as if he hasn't been sending him horny texts all night, then to pull his face close and kiss him hungrily. 

Belligerent and needy. Hot and cold. Alpha and omega. If Vanitas is anything, it's contradiction. He twists round under Riku, his hands scrabbling to unbuckle Riku's belt. Arousal flushes through Riku's system as his periodic lover's hands find his bare skin, thumbs in the crease of his hips and fingers digging in, guiding Riku to straddle Vanitas more comfortably, their eyes catching again and Riku nearly drowning in that ravenous expression. He rocks back, skin touching skin, Vanitas barely suppressing another whine.

"Is this the part where you stuff me like a profiterole?" Riku's voice definitely comes out less casual than he meant. It makes Vanitas laugh though, sliding his hands up under Riku's shirt appreciatively, yanking him down for another kiss. Thighs sliding up to press against Riku's and arms wrapping around Riku's chest and panting breaths against Riku's neck and hips rolling, grinding, groaning all the way down to the pit of Riku's stomach. Riku fumbles for the lube - getting to the bedside table is no easy task with Vanitas clinging to him like a koala - and then he's spreading himself open with one slippery finger, then two, Vanitas huffing impatiently at him the whole time and finally letting out a long moan of relief and pleasure as Riku slides down onto him, their bodies fitting together the way they have for years. And that's part of the problem, the fact that riding Vanitas while he bucks and whines feels so fucking _good_ , his head thrown back and his hands gripping Riku's body desperately, the cadence of his voice rising as he comes closer to orgasm, the rhythmn of his thrusts slowing as he starts to knot and the problem is that when release floods him he holds Riku crushingly close and moans breathlessly, "Fuck, Riku, _fuck_ , I love you."

Riku untangles himself from Vanitas' boneless limbs and sits back, squeezing against him and loving the way he spasms through each wave of pleasure, their bodies locked together and Vanitas' eyes locked on Riku and his fingers interlacing Riku's as he coasts through his high. Adoring murmurs of "love you, Riku, I _love_ you," slipping out of his lips and the problem, when it comes down to it, is that when Vanitas comes in him like this and looks at him like that Riku can almost believe it. 

Riku sighs, play-acting impatience, hiding behind the same casual, teasing air he always does: "If you love me so much you should get me off." 

Vanitas laughs. His hands slide over Riku's legs, to the insides of his spread thighs, where they still, teasingly. "Patience, one hit wonder. I'm saving you for later." 

"Come on, it's at least two hits."

This time it ends up being three, actually, and then Riku is lowering a very gooey Vanitas into the bath, Vanitas kissing him sleepily even as he sinks into the hot, bubbly water, his arms looped around Riku's neck and his eyes filled with satiated affection. And the problem is that he leans into Riku's touch as Riku massages his scalp, and that when he brings in the bag of croissants he says with feeling, "You're so fucking good to me, Riku," and that while Vanitas is bathing Riku strips down the bed and puts on a load of laundry and makes an enormous pot of mac and cheese, knowing just how hungry Vanitas gets after his heat passes over.

The problem is that Vanitas loves Riku one day of the month, and Riku loves Vanitas for all of them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the stupidity continues

It starts the way it always does: with a text.

**[13:41]** RIKU: Still up for dog walking today?

Vanitas stares blearily at his phone, the gears of his mind creaking slowly into motion as he rises from sleep. Riku. Dog. Today? 

He yawns and reluctantly untangles himself from his sheets, kicking several cushions, a magazine and an empty water bottle off his bed in the process. Slowly it dawns on him that it's Tuesday.

**[13:44]** VANITAS: oh shit that was 2day

He stumbles to the bathroom and douses his face with water, staring at himself critically in the mirror. His hair is sticking out all over the place, his eyes still scrunched up and crusted with sleep, prominent crease lines across one acne-pocked cheek.

**[13:45]** RIKU: I'll be at at yours in 20?

Vanitas groans. That's barely enough time to make himself look presentable, but Riku has probably already set off and Vanitas doesn't want to pass up the opportunity to see him - and more importantly, fuck him. 

**[13:51]** VANITAS: yh lmk wen u get here

He showers quickly, skipping out on washing his hair to save time and hoping Riku won't notice - or care - that it's on the greasy side of acceptable, settling for just giving it a once-over with hair spray rather than doing it up properly. Concealer to smooth out his complexion and winged eyeliner that Riku _definitely_ won't notice, then back to his bedroom to stare at his cluttered wardrobe when his phone pings again. 

**[14:04]** RIKU: Here   
**[14:05]** VANITAS: fuck im still naked  
**[14:06]** RIKU: Ah. See you in an hour, then.

Vanitas rolls his eyes as he rummages through the nearest pile of clean laundry for something half decent to wear. _Not all of us can get away with wearing the same outfit every day, Riku._ In the end he settles for a pastel gold shirt, leggings and a block printed skirt that really could use accenting with a good belt or three, but Riku is texting him impatiently so he just throws on his signature leather jacket and favourite boots (bright red, of course, with an inch of platform that Vanitas desperately needs) and grabs whatever handful of jewellery is laying around before heading out. Riku is waiting at the end of the front garden in all his effortless glory, the wind tugging his hair across his face and bringing a flush of colour to his cheeks that brings out his startlingly bright eyes. Seeing Vanitas his lips curl into that long suffering smile of his, as if he doesn't know exactly what he's signing up for.

"Hello, you."

Vanitas makes a point of greeting the dog - borrowed from Riku's neighbour, an enormous brute of a bull terrier who's all muscle and no sense - before Riku. "Hey, Shadow. Worth the wait, huh? Let me get my piercings in, then you can ruin my outfit with paw prints."

Riku scoffs. "We're only going out to the woods. Who exactly are you trying to impress?"

_You, maybe?_ Not that Riku cares in the slightest about fashion, and if he's still willing to fuck Vanitas when he's in graceless red-faced disarray then his standards clearly aren't too high anyway. Vanitas just ignores the comment like he always does and sets off behind Riku, admiring the way his jeans hug his thighs and his arm strains against Shadow's lead as the dog races to sniff every bush and lamppost.

It's always Riku who invites Vanitas to hang out like this between his heats. Possibly out of guilt for having casual sex with a guy who's blatantly in love with him, but more likely because he knows he only has to make the bare minimum of effort for Vanitas to crack and invite him in for more than just small talk. 

Speaking of small talk, it's always Riku who starts: "So how's work been?" A stock question that makes Vanitas roll his eyes every time, but if Riku is going to insist on asking he'll make him suffer through all the thrilling warehouse anecdotes he can think of. He doubts Riku even listens to half of what he says; Vanitas himself definitely doesn't. 

They get to the woods. The ground is swampy from recent rain. Vanitas complains as the mud suctions his boots down and Riku scoffs and asks what the point of boots that can't even get a little dirt on them is supposed to be. They let Shadow off the lead and the dumb thing immediately runs into a tree. Then Riku's throwing sticks while they walk, looking so at home under the blossoming boughs of the trees, his smile relaxed and his laughter coming easy. His mood always lifts when they're surrounded by nature. They talk about stupid bullshit: politics (national and occupational), TV (Riku's a pretentious bastard and Vanitas probably gets more pleasure out of bullying him about it than he should), food (Vanitas is fucking hungry, and Riku gives him a granola bar that tastes like honeyed ass). The dog dives in the pond like he always does and while he paddles Riku watches him like he always does, and while Riku watches Shadow Vanitas watches Riku. Like he always does. 

"Something on your mind?" 

_You._ "Should have made a coffee or something before we left."

"We can stop by mine for a drink," Riku offers. "Food, if you want." This is how he propositions Vanitas. He never actually asks for the sex out loud, but they both know that that's where it's going to end up one way or another. 

"Food is the least you owe me," says Vanitas. Riku nods and smiles knowingly. They coax Shadow out of the water and trek on, through the scatter of early snowbells and past the brook where Riku pulls out his phone and takes a couple of pictures of a waterlogged boot for some reason, and after a few minutes of Vanitas being an irritating little shit their own boots too, Vanitas shuffling closer to get them both in the shot and Riku catching him for a moment around the waist. Vanitas hisses in irritation and pulls away quickly so Riku doesn't see the colour in his cheeks. 

It's stupid. The whole situation is absolutely stupid. If Vanitas knew what was good for him he'd delete Riku's number and go find some alpha or omega who's hormonal enough to be desperate and doesn't find his unusual scent too offputting. Instead he's pining over a guy who's too proud to admit he's only humouring their friendship for sex. Almost makes him miss their teenage years when Riku pretty much ignored Vanitas' existence except when they were fucking. 

It's drizzling by the time they reach Riku's street, Vanitas splitting off to take refuge under Riku's porch awning while Riku returns a very muddy, very happy dog to his owner. Soon enough Riku is leading him into his tidy, well organised house. Shoes off at the door, coat on the rack, Riku rummaging in the kitchen cabinet for Vanitas' favourite mug (the one with bats on it). 

"I can fix us up toasted sandwiches? I've got some leftover guacamole too."

Vanitas catches himself in the mirror over the fireplace. "Speaking of fixing things up." He gestures to his face and makes a beeline for the bathroom, wondering if he should shower just for the excuse to wear Riku's clothes again. 

The thing that irritates him the most is that Riku says, sounding distinctly strained, "You look fine."

"Not all of us have God's gift to gay men for a face," he snaps without turning around. He can't stand platitudes and Riku knows it. Especially from Riku, who's so drop dead dreamy he draws attention from strangers on the street, and not for the reasons Vanitas does. His leggings are splattered with mud from the walk; he strips them off, and his pants too. The smell of coffee wafts through the house, making his stomach gurgle. Any more undressing will have to wait until he's actually had something to eat. He wastes a few minutes in front of the mirror before sauntering back to the kitchen, where Riku is staring pensively at the toastie maker. Needing distraction, Vanitas slides his palm along Riku's bicep appreciatively, Riku twisting to greet him with a soft little kiss that pops in the air. 

"Thought you were hungry," says Riku between kisses, allowing Vanitas to untuck his shirt and slide his fingers down under his belt. 

"Mm-hm."

Before they get very far the toastie maker pings though, and soon Vanitas is flopping onto the sofa and accepting a plate. He swings one leg onto Riku's lap, and Riku intones, "No dessert until you've had your dinner," glancing probably less surreptitiously than he thinks at what little Vanitas' skirt hides. 

"So what's in this culinary delight?" 

"Just cheese, mustard, sweet pickle. Nothing fancy, sorry." 

"Eh. Free food is free food." Even Riku's most basic dishes are better than what Vanitas can manage in the kitchen. At home he mostly eats sandwiches and take-aways, and if Riku's feeling especially pitying spare portions of whatever bulk cooking he does on his days off. "And free coffee is free coffee." Riku chuckles, even though it's barely even a joke. After the toastie he produces the fruit bowl - Vanitas grabs several tiny satsumas, making a show of flicking pith at Riku as he unpeels them - and even manages to find a chocolate bar for them to split. Then Riku is looping an arm over Vanitas' shoulder and toying idly with his hair and stroking his fingers lightly so lightly over Vanitas' neck. Vanitas plays along with his overtures the way he always does, feigning ignorance, then amusement, before he finally takes the bait. Riku lets out a pretty little gasp when Vanitas straddles his hips and presses him against the sofa, tipping his head back with one hand fisted in that beautiful silky hair.

"We don't have to-" 

_Oh, come on._ Vanitas rolls his eyes, interrupting Riku with a kiss. "Chivalry doesn't suit you." The dog, the lunch, the talk, it's all just part of the game. He slides his other hand along the elegant curve of Riku's neck, pressing lightly to feel the other man's breath hitch and make him whine. His mouth follows his fingers, kissing with the barest scrape of teeth, the dusky-bitter taste of Riku's sweat and body spray on his tongue. Slow, teasing, savouring the way Riku unravels so beautifully with each pop of his shirt buttons, revealing the soft contours of his chest with its peach fuzz of dark silver, the way he murmurs - then pants - encouragements, cupping the back of Vanitas' head with one hand while the other makes its way under layers of tulle to his crotch. His surprised, "You weren't going commando the whole time, were you?" that makes Vanitas snicker. 

"'Course not. It would chafe like crazy." Vanitas leans closer, returning to Riku's mouth to kiss him more deeply. He could drown in these kisses, the press and pull of Riku's lips like ocean waves lapping. Kisses so tender, lazy warmth spreading through him as Riku undresses him like they've got forever to explore each other's bodies, Vanitas' hands on his chest and nails digging in just a little. Shifting closer and trailing lower, _oh_ , the way Riku kisses him so eagerly as their hands find each other between their legs, his composure slipping away to reveal a hungrier, wilder thing beneath. A creature who moans with pleasure and rolls his hips into each stroke, his free hand between Vanitas' shoulderblades and holding him so close, so close their heartbeats race together, so close that when he shudders with orgasm Vanitas follows fast. Afterwards he lays on Riku's chest sticky and panting, while Riku presses kisses to the parting of his hair like they're more than just friends. 

"Definitely worth ruining my boots for."

"You're so dramatic," Riku chides the way he always does. Leaning back, stretching his legs until his knees click, Vanitas loving the way his muscular thighs flex beneath him, he adds, "I'll give them a wash outside for you."

Vanitas scoffs. "You're such a gentleman."

"One of us has to be. Ugh, I should start getting ready for work."

It's a well practiced routine: Vanitas showers first while Riku cleans up, then lazes around in one of Riku's shirts, skimming through fashion blogs on his phone and listening to the sound of Riku moving around the house. The hiss of the shower and buzz of the extractor fan; then the hairdryer whirring for what feels like an eternity; the rattle of coathangers in the wardrobe and shuffling fabric as Riku dresses; footsteps on the stairs. It's unbelievable how good he looks in his stupid security guard outfit, like he's just walked out of a tacky calendar photoshoot, the shirt highlighting his broad shoulders and toned biceps. And as for the way his butt looks in tight-fitting navy…

Vanitas whistles appreciatively; Riku just rolls his eyes in response. He gets enough of that from tipsy hen parties at the shopping centre. No - the _Retail Experience_. Vanitas would take long shifts at a warehouse over that bullshit any day of the week. 

"Time for you to put some clothes on," Riku says eventually, once he's done slurping down a protein shake. "Unless you want to walk home in just a t-shirt."

"Hmm," Vanitas play-acts equivocation. "Bit cold, maybe. Lend me a pair of sweatpants?" And Riku obliges because of _course_ he does, pretending like he doesn't know the real reason why Vanitas wants to borrow his clothes. Like he doesn't know what it's like for Vanitas to go into heat alone in that tiny empty apartment, wrapped up in whatever fragments of Riku he can steal and sweating and shaking and _needing_ him. 

And as Riku leads him out into the fine evening mist, ruffling his hair and coming out with some stupid joke he's made a hundred times before, Vanitas almost hates him. His stupid gorgeous face and his stupid fuckable body and his stupid platonic affection. Vanitas trudges off up the road, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets and hunching his shoulders against the cold. Why can't he just be happy with the sex? Why does he have to want _so_ much more? 

* * *

It starts the way it always does: with a text.

**[...]** VANITAS: riku im in heat u wanna cum over

Vanitas restlessly rearranges the pillows and blankets on his bed, trying to get comfortable.

**[...]** VANITAS: riku u free 2nite?

Riku's icon smiles at him smugly, as if to say, _this again?_

**[...]** VANITAS: hey riku wanna fucc

Vanitas deletes the messages before he sends them, writes more, deletes them, and finally throws his phone across the room. He pulls a pillow into his arms and buries his face into it, muffling a groan. The vibe wedged inside him is doing very little to abate the pressure in his body; his skin is burning and all he wants is the relief of Riku's hands on him, Riku's scent filling his lungs, Riku whining and laughing and-

He just has to get through a few more hours before the worst of it passes over. He _won't_ crack. He doesn't need Riku. He can get through this just fine. It's just mechanics. He can just stroke himself off while he imagines the taste of Riku, the resistance of his flesh and the way his back arches when Vanitas fucks him, his flushed cheeks and mussed hair and gorgeous winter ocean eyes. He can whimper Riku's name over and over like a prayer, like a childish summoning game, and as he tips into climax he can curl tight around the pillow and pretend Riku is with him, pretend it's Riku touching him, pretend Riku is whispering the sweet adoration he wants to hear so badly.

After the orgasm has passed he lays in a sticky mess, the cool air making his skin prickle. Staring at the cracks in the ceiling. His body is heavy but it moves of its own accord. Across the room. Wiping his hands off on the nearest item of clothing. Picking up his phone.

"Don't," he says to himself warningly, but he's already typing. Emotions like a flood, drowning out all resistance. 

**[01:24]** VANITAS: riku can u cum over  
**[...]** VANITAS: riku i need u this is really hard on my own  
**[...]** VANITAS: after work is fine i just need to see u  
**[...]** VANITAS: can u call on ur break i wanna hear ur voice  
**[01:34]** VANITAS: just 4 a quik 🍆 lol 

He sees Riku's status flick to online. Then offline again. Vanitas stares helplessly at the screen, breaths still shallow, slick dribbling down the insides of his thighs, head foggy with arousal, watching the minutes tick by. 

**[...]** VANITAS: pls dont leve me on read like this asshole

**[...]** VANITAS: do u think i enjoy this riku im depserate

**[01:47]** VANITAS: riku. heyy. anser me

What he should do is turn off his phone before he embarasses himself even more. Instead he wobbles back to his bed and crawls under the covers, scrolling back through their message history. A routine like clockwork: Riku's little excuses for hook ups - dog walking, trips into town, recommended movies that Riku just happens to have rented, so why not come over and we can watch it together? Vanitas has to admire his creativity, at the very least. And every month his stupid fucking texts. Rambling, incoherent, needy. Riku chastising him if he deigns to reply at all. Like Vanitas is such a fucking chore to him. 

_You think it's inconvenient to just get horny texts once a month, try being the person who sends them._

He feels restless. He feels exposed. He feels alone, so horribly alone. Riku's always telling him he can get through his heats on his own, that goodness knows he owns enough expensive sex toys for someone earning minimum wage, but he doesn't want a fleshlight, he wants _Riku_. 

He tries every trick in the book: he takes a cold shower, shivering as the water pours off him, reciting warehouse codes in his head to distract himself. He switches on the TV and watches a talk show host uncomprehendingly, the bag of frozen peas sitting on his crotch hurting almost enough to dull the arousal. He counts his way through breathing exercises. He digs little moons into his thigh. He does two rounds of washing up and even sorts out the recycling. But his heart beats back against every defense and his phone is in his hand again, this tenuous connection to the man who stole his heart, and he's listening to Riku's answer message just to hear his voice.

"Hi, I can't come to the phone right now. I work nights so if you're calling in the morning please try again later. Or leave a message or text me and I'll call you back when I can. Thanks."

"Riku," Vanitas hears himself saying, his voice so weak, so fucking pathetic why is he so pathetic, "Riku, I know you're still awake, come on, I'll come over if you don't want to go out in the rain. Get your fucking hair wet or whatever. Riku, I'm really fucking..." He's so breathless and coiled up so tight and he just wants this to be _over_. "Riku, c'mon. We don't have to do anal. I'll play nice. Just come spoon me I just want-" he hangs up abruptly. He still has a little pride left. 

He groans in frustration and flops face first back onto the bed. It's going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [This questionably fashionable idiot](https://tasceri.tumblr.com/post/642228359352500224/flamb%C3%A9vanitas-the-one-who-wears-bondage-gear-in)


	3. Chapter 3

It started with a text.

 **[** **20:21]** INBOX: hey riku its vanitas soras cuzin lol u rmbr me?? dad FINALLY let me get a fone n sora gave me ur # u wanna meet up cus i found a way in 2 the scout hut  
 **[** **20:24]** INBOX: deletr these after u get em obvs

Actually, what it had really started with was Sora's fourteenth birthday party, at which Riku spent most of the time sulking in the treehouse because Sora kept spending time with people who weren't Riku. It was a treehouse they'd built together - with help from Sora's dad, not that anyone would know from the way Sora and Riku boasted about it - and Sora's pride and joy, at least when he wasn't otherwise distracted by crowds of friends and birthday barbecues and all his favourite songs playing on the stereo. Riku had been sitting in the gloom for a while, at least what felt like a while, when the ladder rattled and a half-familiar head popped into view at the entrance.

Up until that point Riku had been vaguely aware of Vanitas in the way he was vaguely aware of all of Sora's many cousins. He was about to tell him to shove off when Vanitas announced in a derisive tone: "Way too many fucking people here. Don't know why I even agreed to come," and Riku felt a glimmer of kinship with Vanitas, enough to invite him in for a few moments of respite from the party. They didn't talk about much: complaining about the music and other guests, mainly. Then for a while they sat together, sharing a comfortable silence, and perhaps Riku's misremembering but he likes to imagine that when they glanced at each other in the low light a wordless understanding passed between them. Then Vanitas left - or maybe Sora finally came looking for his perpetually bad-tempered friend. Riku doesn't remember. 

After that Riku spotted Vanitas a few times at school, but they never made eye contact. Maybe he asked Sora about Vanitas, but perhaps he already felt that there was something secret about that moment in the treehouse. He observed this brash-mouthed, provocative stranger from a distance, feigning impartiality. 

Then, months later, out of nowhere, the text. 

Riku hadn't had a phone for long either, and the sound of the text notification made him jump. Whether he knew already that Vanitas was inviting him to do something truly transgressive or if he was just eager to be involved in the teenage mischief of trespassing, Riku isn't sure now. What he remembers clearly is working the stiff numberpad keys, his heart racing as the sending animation looped across the screen. 

**[** **20:40]** OUTBOX: hi Vanitas. when do u want 2 meet? my curfew is @ 11 but i can do l8r if u give me time 2 sneak out. haha 

**[20:42]** INBOX: rofl sneak 4 sure >;-) midnite friday ok? meet me in the car park (delete this!!) 

**[** **20:45]** OUTBOX: cool see u then 

It was raining that Friday night when Riku arrived up at the scout hut, stomach fluttering with nerves and excitement. Vanitas was waiting for him; silently he beckoned Riku round the fence to a tree that Vanitas scaled easily, Riku following close behind. Then Vanitas was shimmying open a loose window and giving Riku a leg up to tumble through into the darkness. Riku pulled Vanitas in after him and Vanitas produced a torch and they sat there in its beam of light, surrounded by the musty stench of stored equipment, dripping wet and laughing. 

They must have talked, surely, but all Riku remembers is Vanitas kissing him fiercely, and in subsequent visits doing a lot more besides. He remembers the way they touched each other, fumbling and impatient. He remembers Vanitas saying one night after receiving an enthusiastic if inexpert hand job, "Dicks don't usually do that, do they?" and a few days later searching for unblocked sites at the school library while the librarian was distracted. He remembers Vanitas looking at him with terror in his eyes, hissing "You can't tell anyone, you _can't_ ," although whether that was before or after he brought up the a-word he isn't sure. After a while someone locked the scout hut window, and they had to hunt for other secret places, some more comfortable than others. 

**[** **20:31]** INBOX: mm midnite wensday bhind the sports centre by the bike loxs n bring a towl LOL

 **[** **17:59]** INBOX: mm after skul 2mrw mr hiwind leafs his room unlockt

 **[** **10:25]** INBOX: im fkn horny mm @ lunch in the blu ekwipmnt shed

 **[** **14:46]** INBOX: can u skip ur nxt period & mm in the fotocopy room

Maybe they got reckless, or maybe their luck was going to run out eventually. Riku remembers avoiding Vanitas' eyes in the headmaster's office, remembers walking home in that awful silence that seemed to stretch into eternity, remembers other students parting like a sea ahead of him in the corridors and wanting to die rather than endure another moment of the laughter crashing behind him. After a few weeks he stopped seeing Vanitas at school. He never found out whether he had left home willingly or not. Riku dreamed of it, stuck under supervision in the living room every evening and laying awake with his bedroom door open every night. Dreamed of freedom, from being grounded until graduation, from the humiliation of school life, from being too afraid to reach out to his friends in case. In case. 

Afterwards when he was living alone Sora invited him over for dinner and when he looked at Riku earnestly and started to apologise Riku interrupted, "I don't want to talk about it." And they never did. 

He's never talked to Vanitas about it, either. Never asked what happened after he disappeared. Never apologised for the role he played in their lives falling apart. With Vanitas there's no past, no future, only distractions - the drudgery of work, impulse purchases of clothes or makeup, sex. 

One evening, hearing Vanitas' notification tone play, Riku turns to Kairi and says, "Can being with another person make you feel more lonely?" 

Kairi looks at him questioningly. "That's awfully philosophical of you."

 **[19:11]** VANITAS: 🔥 hit me @ work im bout to e x p l o d e 😥💦

Riku stares at his screen. Vanitas is typing something, but whatever it is he chooses not to send it. The wind outside is driving the rain against the windows in a rhythmic swell of percussion, like a restless living thing. 

Kairi swills the teapot one last time before pouring out a violently pink fruit tea and says, "I think so. If they're a lonely person."

Riku knows Vanitas doesn't have much of a family any more. He's not even convinced Vanitas has friends so much as people he passes the time with. Loneliness lingers around him the way his scent does, subtle but ever-present. Bitter. 

"Do you think some people prefer it? Loneliness."

"You should know," says Kairi fondly. "I suppose there's a safety in it. Who are you talking about?"

Seven years, two meaningful relationships that didn't last and several more relationships that never got started and he's back at it again. He thinks back to that summer with Vanitas and wonders if he had feelings for him even then, or if he's just adding in romance after the fact to justify the way he gambled with - and lost - their safe anonymity. There are nine unread texts from Vanitas. Riku used to ignore him like this the first time, too. Maybe out of fear. Of being caught, of being gay, of being in love. 

He sighs and admits in one breath before he can lose his nerve: "I've been sleeping with Vanitas." 

Kairi sips her tea. She sets her cup down gently. Delicate china with floral print and gold trim, inherited from her grandmother, the kind of thing Riku wishes he owned.

She says: "That explains a lot."

"Explains what?" 

But Kairi doesn't elaborate. Instead she just asks: "Do you love him?" 

Riku reads Vanitas' messages. Desperate, then angry. He feels a flash of anger in return, for being put through this cycle of desire and indifference, Vanitas gripping fiercely the fibres of his heart only to abandon them as soon as his own needs are met, and at himself for letting it happen. 

He says by way of answer, "He's not interested in a relationship."

Kairi hums thoughtfully. But then headlights flash through the curtains and she says, "Hold that thought," as she jumps up to help Sora inside, the baby screaming murder and the rain whipping in from outside. Riku carries the groceries in from the car, then wishes them both goodnight and sets off, walking with his bike, body angled into the wind. 

**[19:35]** VANITAS: i no ur not at work riku i saw u online   
**[19:37]** VANITAS: dont fucking ignore me!!! riku!!!!!  
 **[19:43]** VANITAS: please  
 **[19:44]** VANITAS: just 4 an hr u dont have to stay n do my laundry or whatever bs you justify fkn me w/

 **[20:03]** KAIRI: If you need to talk, you know where to find me ❤️

Riku stands in the bathroom, dripping rainwater. 

**[20:05]** VANITAS: is this a joke to you  
 **[20:07]** VANITAS: thats all ive ever been to u isn't it a fucking joke  
 **[20:10]** VANITAS: do u enjoy this  
 **[20:11]** VANITAS: Watching me humiliate myself. 

He steps into the shower, his body shivering as he touches it, remembering Vanitas. His phone on the windowsill is silent. He puts on pyjama bottoms, one of his old shirts with too many holes in it to wear anywhere except in bed. Then socks, boots, raincoat. 

**[20:36]** RIKU: I'll be over in twenty. 

He zips the coat up to his chin and braces himself for the storm. 

🌧️

Vanitas stands at the doorway, blocking the gloom of his apartment with his body. He's wrapped haphazardly in a bedsheet, bare skin glossy and hair plastered to his forehead. His eyes are red-rimmed, like he's been crying. 

Riku says, "Hey." Vanitas scowls irritably back at him. Riku half expects the door to slam in his face, but after a tense moment Vanitas pitches forward into Riku's chest, and then Riku is lifting him up, the smaller man holding him desperately, like even the slightest distance between them would be intolerable. By the time Riku drops Vanitas onto the sweat-stained sheets Vanitas has already left one mark on his neck and is going in for another. Love bites that take days to fade: maybe what Kairi was talking about is the fact that Riku owns so many high-necked shirts. 

"Miss me that much, huh?" 

Vanitas' voice is muffled. "Fuck off." But he betrays himself by tugging at Riku's clothes, which soon enough are in a wet tangle at the end of the bed. Then Vanitas is impatiently guiding Riku's hands to his stiff cock, the whines slipping out of his mouth sounding almost pained as he grinds into Riku's touch. He clings tight, nails digging into Riku's back, teeth grazing his neck as his kisses get fiercer, more possessive. He straddles Riku and pins him down with his weight and in the breathless space between their lips he murmurs, "Riku, I _love_ you," and Riku can almost feel that same longing that eats him up inside. 

"Don't say that."

"It's true."

"You don't know what you're saying." It's the same with the texts, helplessly desperate babble that means nothing when the heat passes over. When it's back to practically ignoring Riku's existence. And when he does deign to answer Riku's attempts to socialise it's only to drag sex into it eventually anyway. By the time Vanitas starts to knot in his hands he just wants to escape this cruel facsimile of affection and lay in solitude where his fantasies are manageable, not moaning and whimpering above him. 

Vanitas shudders, spills out onto Riku's stomach, and flops bonelessly onto him, shivering with aftershocks. 

"Fuck. Riku. _Fuck_." 

With the cleaner of his hands, Riku reaches out to rummage in the mound of pillows and clothes surrounding them. "Did you think to put a towel in your nest anywhere, or was that too practical?" But Vanitas is too dazed to reply. In the end Riku just grabs a shirt and gives himself a quick once over with that instead. He sits up, gulps down a few mouthfuls of stale water from the bedside table, wriggles his phone out of his jeans pocket and stares at his chat history with Kairi. 

**[20:03]** KAIRI: If you need to talk, you know where to find me ❤️ 

Vanitas is already curling around his waist, squeezing just a bit too tight to be comfortable, breaths hot against the small of Riku's back. 

But what would he even say to her? What would he say to her that wouldn't have her saying back, _that can't be good for your mental health, Riku. If you're not compatible you should end things. I know it's hard if you really like him, but you have to do what's best for yourself._ And he'd stare at the message and know she was right, but he'd still probably say something like, _I don't want to have to explain to Sora why I'm not talking to his cousin any more._ And maybe she'd say something conciliatory, about how Sora's here for him now and he can tell him anything, or perhaps the dryness in her tone would come through in text with something like: _And who is that excuse for, exactly?_

Riku allows himself to be shoved into the pillows, Vanitas trailing kisses appreciatively down his back. 

"Who are you texting who's so much more important than me?" 

And that's the problem, ultimately, unavoidably: that Vanitas is just so _important_.

 **[21:24]** RIKU: I can't stand how much I love him. I don't know what to do. 

A moan slips out of him as Vanitas' tongue dips between his cheeks. Moving lazily now, murmuring muffled praises that burn deeper into Riku than the touch. 

**[21:26]** KAIRI: Sounds to me like you should tell him how you feel 💐

* * *

So it's going to end the way it started: with a text.

 **[17:10]** RIKU: Are you free this evening? Do you want to come over? 

**[17:42]** VANITAS: lmao was the dicking down i gave u last nite srsly not enuff  
 **[17:46]** RIKU: Not for sex. Just to chat? 

Kairi's right, as much as Riku hates to admit it. He can't keep putting himself through an emotional wringer like this, even for the sex. "And hey," she said on the phone, her voice almost drowned out by the whoops and hollers of playgroup toddlers to whom Riku was grateful for at least preventing her asking too many personal questions, "Maybe it'll be the start of something even better."

 **[17:47]** VANITAS: loll ok  
 **[17:47]** VANITAS: wat time  
 **[17:48]** RIKU: 6:30? 7? Whenever suits   
**[17:49]** VANITAS: riku i genuineley dont no y u STILL think i can get redy in 15 min   
**[17:52]** RIKU: You don't have to dress up.   
**[17:53]** VANITAS: i Absolutely Do but go off  
 **[17:53]** VANITAS: c u 7ish

Riku paces anxiously while he waits, checking his phone every few minutes as if Vanitas will somehow know that he's being invited over for more than just casual conversation and cancel on him to avoid the bother. In the end it's closer to half past seven when his doorbell rings, Vanitas waiting outside in an outfit that's half tight-fitting lycra and half silvery holographic material that glitters in the evening light, with a leather-and-chains chest piece that Riku's not sure is strictly appropriate for public wear. The look is topped off with a studded choker, enough gaudy bracelets to drown Vanitas' arms and even a splash of glitter thrown across his cheeks for good measure. The overall effect is rather tacky, at least in Riku's opinion, but he appreciates the devil-can-go-fuck-himself attitude it takes to pull off something so audacious. 

"Going for a kind of slutty cyberpunk vibe?" he hazards as he steps aside to let Vanitas cross the threshold into his house. Vanitas gives him a withering stare. 

"Riku, this isn't even _close_ to cyberpunk." He unzips his boots and tosses them vaguely in the direction of the shoe rack, making a beeline for the living room. "What's all this about, anyway? You usually wait at least a couple of days before asking for another hook up."

"This isn't a hook up."

"Oh, right." Vanitas, who is already draped over the sofa, signs quotation marks dramatically: "For 'hanging out'."

Riku lets the quip slide, deciding it's better to just change the subject. "You want a drink?" 

"Got cola?" 

"Sure."

Riku's heart is racing by the time he's popping ice cubes into two glasses of coke. It _could_ just be a hook up. He could just keep having casual sex with Vanitas, pretending not to care for him as anything more than a friend with benefits. He could keep cycling through guilt and self-pity. Or he could tell the truth. He sighs, checking Kairi's texts for reassurance one last time, then heads back to the living room. 

"Shove over." Riku swings Vanitas' feet onto the floor and sits down next to him. He wonders if the other man can tell he's nervous, because his impassive expression is giving nothing away. For a few minutes they just sip their drinks, Riku wondering why he even poured himself a cola when he's always found carbonated drinks too sickly. 

_You can't put this off forever._

So he sets down his drink, takes a deep breath and says, "Okay, so. There's something I need to talk to you about."

He catches a flash of something disappointed - hurt, almost - in Vanitas' eyes before his expression settles into an irritable scowl. 

"You were right," he mutters flatly, "I shouldn't have dressed up for this."

"I haven't even said what it is yet."

"I can guess: you don't want to sleep with me any more."

"That's not-" Riku's thrown off by Vanitas' certainty, the way his demeanour has changed so quickly to one of wounded defensiveness. Does he really think that Riku would abandon him so readily? "That's not the issue." He takes a deep breath, stalls, and finally blurts out: "The problem is I love you, and it's kind of making this whole situation, I mean, I really like the sex and spending time with you, it's just. Uh. I just needed to tell you."

"Oh." says Vanitas. Despite the glitter, despite the sharp eyeliner Riku's only just noticed, despite the cheerful little star-shaped clips in his hair, the other man just looks tired. He stares into his drink, rattling the ice cubes around distractedly. Riku's not sure if he's even still breathing from the suspense. That's it? _Oh?_ But then Vanitas asks - states, really: "So what's the dealbreaker."

"What do you mean, what's the dealbreaker? You mean about hooking up?" Riku doesn't know how to explain how hard it is to have his heart played with so recklessly, even if Vanitas doesn't know that's what he's doing. He settles for saying: "It's just that I want more. And you don't feel the same way."

"I don't-? But you know I love you."

_"What?"_

Vanitas stares Riku in total disbelief. "Did the dozens of times I've confessed _seriously_ not tip you off about my feelings for you?" 

"But that's when you're in heat. You're like the hormonal equivalent of drunk, you'll say anything. And then the rest of the month you practically ignore me."

"That's just-" Vanitas sweeps his hands through his hair in exasperation. "That's just me lying like I always do to save face! Come on, _how_ long have you known me?" Before Riku can argue his case on that particular point Vanitas continues, his voice rising: "Besides, if you like me so much then why do you only hang out for the sake of sex, huh?" 

"Vanitas- _you're_ the one who always initiates it! You can't blame me for thinking that's the only reason you're friends with me when I'm always the one inviting you to spend time together! You basically only ever text first when you're in heat!" Whatever part of Riku's brain that's trying to process the _I love you_ part finally catches up with his mouth and before Vanitas - who looks absolutely furious - can reply, he splutters: "You _love_ me?" 

"You _idiot!"_ Vanitas snaps wildly, "Of _course_ I love you! How could it be more obvious!" Then whatever part of his brain that's been processing what Riku said rejoins the conversation and he blurts out disbelievingly, _"You_ love _me?"_

They stare at each other in astonishment.

"You love me," Riku says, and the realisation of it is so stupendously wonderful that a snort of laughter bubbles up his throat. "You actually love me."

Vanitas' expression softens into something more vulnerable - and just a bit terrified. "I thought you knew."

Riku can't help but laugh helplessly at the idiocy of the whole situation, and at first Vanitas stares at him like he's gone crazy, but soon enough his lips are quirking into a smile, then a snigger, then outright laughter. He folds into Riku's chest, both of them laughing hard enough to cry, and it feels so good just to _hold_ him, kissing his beautiful stupid face as he mutters, "Fuck you, this eyeliner isn't even waterproof," and murmuring those words he's heard so many times and always wanted to return: "I love you." 


	4. Epilogue

It starts the way it always does: with a text.

**[13:32]** RIKU: Here  
 **[13:32]** VANITAS: lol perfect timing omw

The air is crisp and clear, the sun shining down gloriously from a cloudless blue sky. It's the first day that really feels like summer, a herald of long lazy evenings filled with barbecues and laughter and biting insects. Shadow is energetic and impatient as always as Riku waits outside Vanitas' building, wondering what wholly inappropriate outfit his boyfriend is going to show up in this time.

**[13:34]** VANITAS: cant find my fffffuckin 🐍bites  
 **[13:35]** RIKU: You do not need snakebites to walk a dog!  
 **[13:36]** RIKU: Hurry up or I'm letting Shadow drag me off

Eventually Vanitas emerges, wearing very tall boots and a very short pleated skirt, which at first glance looks too cutesy to be Vanitas' style until Riku realises the pattern on it is skulls with daggers through them. His sequined crop top looks suspiciously innocuous at first glance too, at least until Vanitas, looking immensely pleased with himself, announces "Check this out, Riku," and sweeps his hands up his chest, revealing the words _GET FUCKED!_ in cheerful red lettering. 

Riku sniggers despite himself, reaching over to smooth the sequins back down. 

"Not 'til later." 

Vanitas laughs too, taking the opportunity of Riku being so close to press a quick kiss to his cheek.

"Hello, by the way." Soon he's distracted by Shadow, who is nosing affectionately under his skirt by way of greeting. "And hello to you too, you big dumb brick."

"Ready for the woods?" Riku asks once Vanitas is done teasing the dog. "I thought we could take the hilltop path. There's probably going to be families down by the pond on a day like this." He's mainly referring to the fact that Shadow is large enough - and food-obsessed enough - to send almost any unsuspecting child flying, but Vanitas cackles like he's talking about him instead. He laughs like he dresses, loud and obnoxious, and every time he does Riku falls a little bit in love all over again. 

They fall into step, Vanitas matching Riku's long strides for a few paces and coming out with his usual complaints about Riku's height, Riku just laughing and pissing him off by calling him travel-size again. 

"So how have things been at the warehouse?" 

Vanitas rolls his eyes like he always does, but he humours Riku anyway: "Seifer won this month's item bingo again, which is a fucking joke. I was so close, too. I only needed a belt and gloves. And next month management are making it an official Thing, I assume because they exist to suck the joy out of everything. If they're so fucking desperate to reward our performance they could consider paying us more."

Riku hums along sympathetically as Vanitas breaks into a rant he's delivered dozens of times before about corporate bullshit. Shadow lollops alongside them, wrenching Riku back every few hundred yards to sniff at or pee on something. They turn onto the footpath that leads to the woods, birdsong replacing the groan of traffic. Riku takes a deep breath, soaking in the deep, earthy scent of the forest. 

"You know," Vanitas says as he roots around in the undergrowth for a good throwing stick, "I'm surprised you haven't abandoned civilisation completely to become a wodewose or something."

"Every time someone tries to get a rise out of me at work, I consider it."

"I think you'd miss hot showers eventually," is Vanitas' assessment. "And the hunting grounds for protein shakes are pretty thin in this part of the country, or so I've heard."

"Depends on the season. Most species are migratory."

"Really? And here I thought they'd be highly territorial."

"Pft. You're thinking of granola bars."

Vanitas laughs, probably more at Riku's deadpan delivery than the joke itself. They start the long climb to the hilltop, Vanitas panting and swearing when the path reaches its steepest, until suddenly the woods give way to heather in glorious bloom. Shadow immediately races down a deer track, launching himself at the birds he startles into the air. Vanitas mimes shooting at them as they disappear below the treeline. 

"I never came out here before you," he says suddenly. He walks to the edge of a steep cutting in the hillside, a violent splash of colour against the pale sky. Riku takes out his phone and snaps a few pictures, Vanitas laughing and pulling faces when he notices. 

"Worth it for the sex?" he teases, joining Vanitas at the edge. His sturdy walking boots next to Vanitas' buckle and stud covered leather ones. They couldn't be more different, and yet here they are. 

"Oh, shut up."

Here they are. Together. Gazing at the sprawling valley below them. Happy. 

Vanitas cranes his neck to stare at the cloudless sky. "I think," he says, "That kissing you was the best thing I ever did."

"Which time? There've been a few," Riku asks, getting a shove in return that he probably deserves. 

"I was so jealous of Sora for being best friends with you. You were so hot and mysterious. And tall." Vanitas sounds uncharacteristically pensive. Honesty isn't something he wears comfortably even now; it's easier to hide behind snide remarks and feigned disparagement. "I wanted to be like you. You didn't care that you were an outsider. For you it was like a badge of pride, like you were above all the bullshit."

"That's not how I remember it."

Vanitas is quiet for a while. Shadow comes back with a stick and he hurls it down the hillside, the dog chasing after it at breakneck speed. Then he says abruptly: "I kept telling myself you wouldn't have cared. That you could handle it the way you handled everything. What happened." He steps closer to the edge, reckless as always, and without realising it Riku clutches his arm and pulls him back. Pebbles tumble down the scar and disappear. 

"You know I don't blame you for any of that. If anything, it was my fault for not telling you no."

Vanitas glances at him with those beautiful honey-brown eyes of his and suddenly Riku wants to kiss him, out here in the open where anyone walking by would see them. And that's what he does, leaning down to capture Vanitas' glitter-glossed lips, kissing him once, twice, again, until Vanitas finally pulls away, laughing. 

"Despite what our past experiences may imply, I'm not actually an exhibitionist."

"Alright, alright."

Riku wants to say something else, some acknowledgement of their past selves and everything they went through, but what is there to say after all this time? Eventually, as they're heading into a thicket of crowded pines, he offers: "I always really admired how you didn't give a shit what anyone thought of you. As someone who's always been-" he hesitates, the most vulnerable words catching at the last moment, "I think it's really impressive. You wear what you want, you do what you want. You never compromise who you are."

Vanitas pauses mid-step. 

"Well, fuck." The way his tone changes is subtle, but Riku catches it. "Let's keep that particular magic alive, huh?"

Riku stifles a laugh. How familiar, the posturing, the pretense. He murmurs, "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain." 

Vanitas doesn't say anything to that, which is probably the closest thing to an acknowledgement he can muster. But after a while he draws up alongside Riku and says conversationally, "I wish I'd been brave enough to stay."

"I wish I'd been brave enough to leave."

"Was it that bad?" 

"It was pretty bad," says Riku, which doesn't even begin to cover it. He looks at Vanitas and wonders how _pretty bad_ it must have been for him too. He adds, not wanting to dwell on that chapter of their past: "But I don't regret it. Any of it." 

Vanitas laughs. "You must regret getting caught fucking in the changing room showers a little bit."

"I regret not telling you I love you sooner."

That makes Vanitas pout. Too much sincerity. But a few minutes later when Riku offers his hand to help him over a fallen tree trunk he takes it and doesn't pull away. Riku doesn't comment on it, although his heart races in his chest; he just wordlessly gives Vanitas' hand a little squeeze and feels the other man's grip tighten in response. They walk on. Past the car park where Riku wrestles Shadow back onto his lead and Vanitas laughs at him while doing nothing to help, along the main road with its steady thrum of traffic, back to Riku's House where Vanitas leaves a trail of clothes from the front door to the bathroom and comes out wearing one of Riku's t-shirts again. There's a joy in the routine of it. They eat lunch on the sofa and listen to one of Riku's new albums and make out lazily, Vanitas draping himself over Riku's body the way he always does. They slot together comfortably, Riku's arms around Vanitas' waist and Vanitas' hands in his hair. The weight of him, his musky scent, the sighs that slip out of his mouth as Riku's hands roam over his skin. 

"You want to take this up to the bedroom?" 

Vanitas considers it, running his fingers through Riku's hair. Then he says, "Nah. Let's listen to more music."

So they do. They kiss some more. They have all the time in the world, and it's wonderful. 

☀️


End file.
